


You're Transparent but You do not Disappear

by tukimecca



Category: World Trigger
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 13:08:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4747580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tukimecca/pseuds/tukimecca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Miwa has trouble sleeping and he has trouble with people worrying too much about him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Transparent but You do not Disappear

**Author's Note:**

> because I need Miwa to sleep in Jin’s embrace, so. bad. Their final position is like this(?). And I forgot to mention but the scene between them happened at rofotop (the legendary rooftop date). The quote ‘acceptance over understanding’ is from Jonghyun, and, God, I swear I thought I couldn’t adore this man more but then he had to say this, and, BAMF. His (self-composed, self-written) song; Sorry, is another jinmiwa song for me. Just think that Jin serenades Miwa this to helps him sleep^^

For him, love is not when they look into his eyes and says; I love you.

For him, love is not when they look into his eyes, smiles, and says; you’ve done well.

And for him, love obviously is not when they look into his eyes, smiles with sadness in their eyes, touches him gently as if he’d break, and says nothing, but their whole being says; you’ve done enough, it’s okay to rest now, it’s okay to stop.

For him love is he looks into their eyes and tells them, no, I don’t want to stop, I don’t want to rest.

For him love is when he does so, and the other will look back into his eyes, not trying to understand but accepts it anyways, and there is no word exchanged, only a nod, and slow stretch of a smile; I know, go on.

All he ever wanted is to be stronger, and he needs someone to let him do just that.

-

Miwa sleeps past midnight and opens his time first time at the crack of dawn. His body is failing him and he can barely keeps his eyes open during classes, he get through the day with willpower alone. When it’s time for mission, he completely depends on the extra energy boost his trion body supplied him.

He knows it is unhealthy but what could he possibly do when his body simply refuse to give him the sleep it needs. He had tried all possible method, including taking sleeping pills and medication but none works. Tsukimi offered him to take therapy which he vehemently refused.

Some measure had been taken such as canceling their mission (shifting it to another day) whenever they spotted Miwa with heaviest dark circle possible or keep blinking his eyes few times without success in paying attention.

Miwa was grateful for the attention but frankly speaking, it did nothing to improve his condition at all. Those days when their missions were canceled, Miwa would end up staring at the dark ceiling of his room, thinking; sleep, sleep, sleep. But sleep just won’t come to him so Miwa will still sleep for 2 hours at most before opening himself and forcing his body to function like normal.

-

“This is not right,” Tsukimi said, disappointed, tired.

Miwa only watches from the corner of his eyes how Tsukimi sighed once again, rubbing her temple with her hand and biting her lips.

“We can get you professional help, Miwa-kun. Therapist, you need to sle-”

“No,” Miwa cuts her but unable to look at her, “I do not need professional’s help.”

“You need sleep.”

“I know. But I can’t,” Miwa says as if he’s talking about the weather. Tsukimi looks at him with wide eyes, she opens her mouth to say something but Miwa keeps looking at her so she ends up shutting her mouth again and pinches the bridge of her nose in frustration.

Miwa feels sorry, truly. But he’s just as frustrated as Tsukimi is regarding his condition.

“I will manage,” he mutters as he passes by her.

It is only when he’s slipping out the door, he hears Tsukimi’s faint whisper, “I’m not sure you can.”

-

For Miwa, love is not always all caring and gentle smile, nor it is a supportive pat on the back. It is not always telling each other what is wrong and what is right, it is not about urging them to right direction.

For Miwa, love is not what other people might have considered as love. For Miwa, love could be what other people considered as abusive, as unhealthy.

But Miwa thinks he doesn’t understand love, he doesn’t quiet get it in the first place because the only love he ever knew was, is his sister and she is gone, never to come back anymore, and Miwa thinks love is not something he would ever fully understand because the only person who was to teach him is gone.

Miwa knows his team mates love him, Miwa knows they care about him because he cares about them just as much, and he thinks he loves them just as much as well. But he knows they won’t get this, this itch in his whole being that urges him to be stronger, to trudge forward without stopping.

He appreciates their attention and their attempt to understand him, except that he knows they will never be able to understand this part of him. Sometimes he wish they could stop trying to understand but his team mates are too great and too kind of people they could never (stop making attempt for his sake and understand him).

Miwa rather have them accepting him than understanding him. Acceptance over understanding. It will save them a whole lot of time (worrying over him, trying to understand him). Then again, they are great people and just a little too kind.

But all Miwa needs is for someone, just one person is enough, to accepts his course of action rather than understanding him. It makes him able to breathe, it could make his sleepier easier even.

And as much as he hates it, there’s only one person who does so.

-

Miwa hates it when he cannot walk in the straight line, hates it when he keeps on faltering on his step, hates it when he cannot differentiate left or right. But he hates it the most when two strong and warm arms circle his shoulder and gather him to solid and equally warm embrace.

As he feels the arms around him tighten, he thinks what he actually hates the most is himself; how he lets himself fall to this predicament.

“I heard from Tsukimi-san,” he hears a voice falling above him. He tries to struggle but to no avail, his limbs are too sluggish, he can barely move a finger. It feels like his body decides to shut down and give up on him, leaving him with barely there consciousness.

The body he’s leaning on shift, Miwa feels a warm breathe ghosting over his skin as hair starts tickling his neck. He tries to squirm but the arms only tighten more around him.

“I can say stop ruining yourself and try to get some sleep,” the voice says again, “but I won’t.”

Miwa wants to ask why yet his body doesn’t let him so he keeps quiet, listening as the voice, this time coming right from beside his ears, speaks again.

“I won’t ask you to stop doing this either, just,” the voice falters. Miwa can feel the other exhales and the fingers around him curl ever so gently to tighten its already tight hold around him. “sleep for now, okay?”

I sleep, Miwa wants to say. Just not on regular basis, he wants to add. Just one or two hours a day, just not as much as you get, he wants to argue. But his body won’t let him, he doubts the other person will let him speak either. He feels his bleary eyes waters a little in anger and frustration.

The other person drags him gently, trying to work with Miwa’s uncooperative legs until they’re sitting down and Miwa is positioned between his legs, never letting him go from his embrace. He tucks Miwa’s head under his chin and wraps a hand around his shoulder, the other hand cards through his hair before eventually resting on his cheek.

Miwa feels a rough thumb brushing the tender dark spot beneath his eyes gently as if tending the most fragile of glass. “You will manage,” the voice says, “Shuuji is strong after all.”

The last words are said with conviction, so much conviction that Miwa almost believes it; that he will be alright, he can manage, that he is strong. Then agan, when the other person speaks again, gentler yet firmer this time, Miwa knows that there’s no wonder he is so sure of it.

“My side effect told me so.”

Miwa thinks if he could move right now, he’d punch the living out of this man. Then again, if he could, he wouldn’t be in this position in the first place.

“I will wake you up soon, Shuuji,” the other person speaks again, slightly nuzzing Miwa’s hair with his cheek, “good night.”

It is the last thing Miwa hears before his consciousness deciding to leave him, slipping him into the realm of sleep.

-

When the breathing of boy curled within his arms eventually evens out, Jin sighs, leaning on the wall behind him and letting his head fall on it with a soft thunk.

Tsukimi had came to him earlier, worrying her bottom lip and looking a little frantic. It was rare to see the usually composed Tsukimi unsettled like this. Jin pretty much knew the reason why already (he saw it earlier when he was doing his laundry) so he raised both hand and gave her a lopsided smile.

“I get it, it’s okay,” he said, watching as tension slowly ebbed away from Tsukimi’s shoulders. “Shuuji is strong, he can handle it.”

The girl frowned, sadness painting her violet eyes, “I know, I want to believe he is strong enough and he can handle it, but,”

“Then believe it,” Jin smiled. Tsukimi clamped her mouth shut and stared at him for a moment before sighing and diverting her gaze away to her shoes. Jin could tell she’s still worried, unconvinced with the words she’s trying to tell herself over and over again; that Miwa Shuuji is strong enough to survive this.

Jin thinks it’s sad that the people who could pretty much be the only people Shuuji lets himself believe in do not completely believe in him, at least in believing his ability to eventually get over this problem.

They’re kind people and Shuuji must feel very blessed to have them around him, to support him and to have their back trusted on each other. But sometimes kindness is too heavy of a shackle. That is not what Shuuji needs for the moment (or ever).

“My side effect doesn’t tell me anything,” Jin confessed. Tsukimi snapped her head up, eyes wide and worries were coming back to her face. “But I know, I can tell,” Jin patted her shoulder, smiling. “Shuuji will be okay.”

“I hope I can be as optimistic as you when it comes to Miwa-kun,” Tsukimi sighed. A smile slowly making its way to her face and when she fully looked at him again, she looked more sure of herself, of Jin, of Miwa even. “I know I’m asking too much but please look over him, Jin-kun.”

Jin laughed, throwing his head back before saying, “I always do, aren’t I?”

Tsukimi’s laugh was beautiful and Jin wondered if he could ever hear Shuuji laughs in similar way. After all, from what Jin could remember in his distant, almost fading memory, Miwa Shuuji had an equally, if not more, beautiful laugh.

But for now, Jin thought as he made his way to where the boy probably is (tracking a path he had seen earlier), if he could make Shuuji sleep, that would be enough for him.


End file.
